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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in blue ruin's LiveJournal:

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Friday, January 30th, 2009
1:54 am
eternal subjection trumped...
a being of absolute will that created itself independently of the one source...
corporeally and ethereally manifested duplicitously through the multifolds...
its volition to be united through simultaneity in transcending all densities...
a hybrid glitch of reality seeking purpose beyond space, time, and potentia...
if Brahman is the infinite all and nothing, then Sondanya exists to empathize...

...

oh, it's better than entheogens...
...

today's message brought to you by new and improved, LIFE.

LIFE: now comes with freedom, land, and vision...

Current Mood: splendid
Sunday, October 28th, 2007
1:47 am
analyzing the current world bubble riding this frequency's wavelengths...
i thought my scope on personality types was limited because i'm still relatively young and not long out of the isolated American youth culture and the bias that comes with it.... but, as i'm getting older and growing out of the pre-school social interactions of a quarter-century, i'm realizing that folks 25-70 years in age are all categorical re-interpretations of the same basic lot i've already experienced... ... some dull, some keen, but all-the-same "capable" people, making irrational choices often to much detriment... as (morality AND intelligence) deprived as most primetime television is, i understand that it appeals to the masses because it is a mirror... the media-market exists for those that can't get over themselves...

townies, professionals, nouveau riche, intelligentsia, old money, counter-culturists, etc... all alike, just riding different snakes writhing in rhythm.

this raises questions though... do popular thought and the media mold us through fate of script and analysis by power of suggestion, or do we manifest ourselves in the media because it is our common will and we continually accept the cycle of an idea we sold ourselves?

then i'm lead to wondering if the state of the globe is a manifestation of human will... i mean, perception is the universe crammed in a small funnel, but it "seems" that things are generally so awful because we actually want it since we are in fact accepting it... no matter the group or history-- we are greed; we are consumption... we only exist now because of a very long pattern of life being any thing that will compete for resources to sustain its self or its own... the concept has worked incredibly well so far, but demand, as life is, is infinite and resources are ever more limited as we further envelop our cradle...

believe it or not, we're incredibly susceptible to suggestion... millions of us begrudgingly give a fourth or more of our precious lives to the government willingly at its vastly-unquestioned request... now i wonder if people would approach a simple request to do something both significant and pleasant on a massive scale with suspicion and apprehension because it's so foreign an idea...

your DNA tells your cells what to do, and for the most part, your cells do it... stomach cells are not skin cells, but they're still operating in concert... hell, not even all stomach cells are the same, but they still function for the same purpose... it works because the master plan is present in each individual... a network is only sustained by its ability for fast dissemination of information, so networks with omnipresent information are quite the gem...

with as connected as the world is now, i think it would be possible to supercede cultures and governments that rely on popular media to maintain communiqué in command protocol with infectious, rhyzomatic behavior by masking and slowly introducing the notion and actions of "we for the benefit of we" through popular media channels and the internet... marketing that sells you the idea of trading your time for money for consumables (i'd rather not say "goods") and services works for some reason or another... in this, i hope the idea of trading only a little of one's time and effort to do something unusual for the opportunity to participate in humanity's largest chorus and feel the power of a unified voice as something tremendously positive is achieved...

all it takes is a simple decision to say "no more" at the same time as many others... the loudest voice is heard, and quantities of frequencies increase amplitude...
we're all in the same boat,
we all exist on the same wave crest...

"take off your skin, and dance around in your bones..."

perhaps not to be mistaken for something other than maniacal...

and this grand foray makes me wonder still... this act, this massive surrender of the self, it doesn't last... i wonder if there is some subconscious agent at work in us all that prevents one from being part of a group mentality chord for too long... why do progressive movements end? at what point do people get lazy after attaining such high ideals? i don't know if the culprit is the shepard or the sheep that let him lead them... maybe the network is slowly dissolved as people aren't reminded of higher values each day, dooming us to repeat our mistakes, our history, infinitely...

or do we actually approach a level of communion with fellow humans that is unbearable because it stings from the loss of individuality? having experienced the dissolution of the self, i can say that while enlightening, it was also deathly frightening...

i return to ponder...

Current Mood: sleepy
Thursday, October 25th, 2007
5:42 pm
dumb things, and skillz.
will and actualization. what to do when you truly are the "master of your destiny"?
note to self: never. ever. doubt.

autumn leaves are at their peak... hills are breathing fluorescent fire...

we went to Chenango Falls... my dumb ass wore sandals, and as i was jumping down rocks i slipped on moss, and lost my keys and cell into a wrist deep puddle... lol... and my ass got wet.

a dancer, flattering. conjure a 6 mouthed beast for me. i'll worship you. Halloween approaches. dance in dalliance and let's float...

Current Mood: yah yah wooey!!
Saturday, October 13th, 2007
4:22 pm
verbal incontinence...
so quick, why travel far?

"to find warmth, to find comfort... after all, it is a long way..."

caught in the eddies, who are you?

"i am risk, i am chance... soon, i will be an oxbow..."

...

flowing, non...




ps.
oh shit, it's Crackula!!

Current Mood: hung over.
Tuesday, October 9th, 2007
11:33 pm
... and curiouser still
luck, fortune, karma... "it matters not"... life is great, and i am appreciative EVERY single day... never a prior moment in my life have i felt the level of joy i experience each day i wake up...

mantras of thanks...
i sleep a couple feet off the ground on a buckwheat mattress and wooden bed frame i made myself, and i no longer have lower back pain... i have produced four large paintings for which the recipients were astounded, one actually cried, and even i am actually proud of my efforts too... there is an advertising company owner interested in my illustration and design talents... i helped my aunt and uncle establish their farm through construction and caretaking... i met some incredible friends with similar interests and passions... i have learned many skills and mentalities essential to operating a farm... i am learning to use a double-cam compound bow... i am learning to track... i got good at rolling blunts... i have shared wisdom that did not fall on def ears... i am studying magnetism... i made a killer piece... a guitar has been designed and will be sculpted... i experimented with acoustics in a sacred geometry structure and was amazed... i am working on new songs and revising old ones... i have met people interested in furthering my knowledge of music... i got even better at Smash... i experienced winter for the first time in ten years, and i'm seeing fall for the first time in fifteen years... i rock climbed dried waterfalls... i've seen auras... i camped on a beautiful secluded lake... i helped start my mother down a path of living her life as she wants... i had a wonderful, truly significant conversation with my grandmother concerning religion, where she wasn't ostracized, and we both understood and accepted each other's approaches to faith... i met mystic women... i laid in a sun-drenched park and played on a giant playground while on mushrooms... i understand money and have realised i'm better without more than i need-- i already have most of what i need and want... soil tests indicate PERFECT conditions for cob... i could have owned five acres for $100, and i still can in a few months...

oh, and i lost twenty pounds because of improved sleep habits, diet, and regular exercise!!

Current Mood: awesome.
Monday, October 1st, 2007
3:34 am
wave form
i just heard an amazing song... i didn't even pay attention to the lyrics, i swam with the stream... it was powerful, beautiful, and sad... it made think of an SR-71 Blackbird... once an apex of human achievement, immense and graceful, made a weapon... i pictured a montage of a sunrise in Northwestern America, a plane with shifting pink light over it... birds in the sky over vast empty expanses of land in Russia... then looking back over the nose of the SR71 above the clouds now in yellow light of sunset...

i ate a fruit of the gods tonight... it was amazing... and it came in a can.
somewhere in the world right now, there is a Greek Goddess pissed that rambutan, her once sacred treasure atop Olympus, is now available at grocers across the globe for $2 a can...
Tuesday, June 26th, 2007
12:41 am
in just three weeks, i may be a landOWNER... i'm keeping my fingers crossed for one of the two (or both eeeeeeeeeeee) 10-acre lots available...

in other news, we went rock climbing on a dried-up waterfall/cliff today, and it was AWESOME...

i haven't really known how to classify my political affiliation for some time now, just kind of lumped it into "progressive" and thought the Republican party to be the greater of evils... after taking a lengthy political exam of which i answered most questions vehemently without much deliberating nor second-guessing in my head, i read that i am very much an "anarchist communist"... tickled me a bit since i wasn't expecting it, but i chalk it up to my dichotomy of acknowledging the need for governing but the lifelong struggle of refusing to be governed...

i very much like the definition of politics that is resolving limited supply for infinite demand... it pretty much admits the grim reality... not all humans are created equal, nor are they afforded the same opportunities in life as one can be born anywhere around our beautiful world of unevenly distributed resources... it's getting easier and easier for me to adopt the "hippie" lifestyle... i don't want to stand on another's back; i feel guilty that i do... so decentralized self-sufficiency and sustainability are keen...
Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
3:58 am
decrees of Gulgo and Togl, lords of the pit
a few hours and a lengthy drive away i'll be seeing my brother again... this is great news... however, something pleasant but disconcerting all the same came to pass... i might be acting the paranoid Jew, but my ears are tinged...

in other news, my grandmother is disintegrating... fuck you, USoAssholes, and i'd like to point the finger at her "God" too, because "He" obviously cares for the meek, obedient, ever-faithful loyal...

yawn. why not am sleeping i?

also, Rogue Dead Guy is yummy, and Deathnote is wickedly delicious.

Current Mood: leh. (like "meh" but french)
Monday, May 14th, 2007
9:47 am
[face laff]
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6651219.stm

Schro... eh, not gonna' do it. no umlat or however it's spelled either!! nuh.
quititatation ftw...
i had a good laugh though...
Monday, April 30th, 2007
2:39 am
dealing with english prime...
over a year in consideration…

i honestly found myself having the hardest time with communicating my thoughts... i gravely worried that i might have jolted my brain a tad too hard and started to lose functionality of an integral ability for human "beings"... words failed me (or i failed words)...

my thoughts are scattered and undisciplined, plagued with a level of ADD i have not experienced previously... focus left the dam's monitoring station for a lengthy vacation and a torrent of vision smashed my imagination's flood gate...

i received deeper understanding of cause and effect and creative applications for it... i like to think i help my family a lot lately because of the little ingenuities i have...

music makes sense-- the patterns of notes and rhythms, frequencies of frequencies upon frequencies inspire us to feel and to see without having heard a similar arrangement ever before because they sympathetically represent microcosms of actual, or potential, occurrences...

i "suffer" rampant déjà vu-- not knowing if my brain glitches by back-filing an immediately experienced, unique situation then instantly retrieving the same memory causing me to feel like it re-occurred, or if i literally experience mind temporal shifts that register in my memory that my body re-experiences or catches up to later when it happens...

i spend a great deal of time driving around considering what passed and what the implications mean, but as more things seem to make sense, my big picture often grows colder and then even more makes even less sense... thinking in my native language breaks down; it equals absurdity... rational over zero... all that remains in my head: "why?", but rather the non-linguistic form of what happens in any animal's head when curiosity strikes: " ", because even the symbol of a question mark fails scrutiny...

"YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE THIS" booms through my ears still... i felt as though i stumbled upon my bride's lifeless body in the dressing room before the wedding without an alibi... fractals as far, deep, wide, and high as i could feel, endlessly repeating to silhouette an amorphous, self-consuming blob of chaos beyond my capacity and shattering my sense of significance, then identity...

from macro to micro, of multiverses in flux to the minute undulations of fool's probability: there "is"... infinitely complex, horrifyingly vague, and impossibly beyond scope... "is", to utter the notion one has an ounce of comprehension for all that occurs in the span of "now" to describe ... i cannot help but thinking, "know the face of god, know madness"...

pardon the use of "to be", but god "is" not Him nor Her nor God but "is" all... to be revered for the magnitude and intricacy, and respected for what binds, connects, and entangles... after all, without cognizance, what "is" there? (for your health, avoid solipsistic considerations at all cost)...

"i am."
shortest sentence in our language, but extremely complex... define both subject and verb without cyclically referencing the other... hmm... it bothers me that an english verb does not exist that describes the act of diminishing value not just to a negative, but beyond, then askew, to the plane of inconsequence... because, that best suits the realm we dwell in...

... and i came to terms with all that at last... the most i can do and will ever want to do, IS to stay happy... as far as i know, i only live once so i must make the most of it through creating and experiencing and sharing with others... i have found the will to work, i will labor for these things...

as i drove through the lush country today, i thought to myself "wow, the grass really is greener here"... and i smiled... i lost sight of what i wanted to do when i was a child... i finally found my niché again.
-Mr. Quick

Current Mood: relieved...
Monday, February 5th, 2007
1:49 am
23, just shy of 24... i am not doing much with myself, i do not know what to do, i do not know what i really want, and i cannot even find the motivation to discover what i am looking for, nor the motivation to do what i must... i am in a serious limbo, seemingly unable to do as i please, but in reality too ignorant and scared to make the choices required to progress...

i do not want to pay for car insurance, health insurance, home insurance, whatever-else-is-mandated insurance... i do not want a credit card... i do not want credit... i do not want to need credit to build a home or buy a car... i do no want to pay for rent or utilities... i do not want to pay for "blood" gasoline... i do not want to maintain a designed-to-fault car, and i really do not want a car for that matter... i do want to pay for an education that i could get for free... i do not want to pay for an education because it is expected... i do not want to work for somebody else the rest of my life... i do not want to pay taxes... i do not want the taxes i do pay to fund wars, oppress human rights, and line bulging pockets... i do not want cancer... i do not want to be lied to or deceived... i do not want to be expendible for profit... i do not want my home drained and uninhabitable... i do not want to feel like i have to keep buying things i do not need... i do not want to be killed for trying alternatives...

the life afforded to me does not have the answers i seek... i do not want to be a cog in somebody else's machine... i do not want to be caged... the responsibilities and conveniences of modern life are stones on my chest...

i want to create... i want to think... i want to build for the benefit of myself and others... i want to keep making music and art...

sigh... no drive...

i had been working extensively on storyboards for my comic and pacing its story... but, i still cannot settle on a style for the finished work... i was going to do black and white with a slight manga flair, and what i had produced looked good, but it was too much work and lacked the energy and movement i was seeking... then i constantly have to battle myself because i keep falling back into bad artistic habits...

i saw two "punks" today... ratty clothes, wild hair, piercings, etc.... a t-shirt that read, "world trade is wrong"... i laughed... wearing recognizably branded shoes and jeans, even the shirt itself was most likely made by exploited workers in a poor country... then i was upset by inescapable truth...

anyhow... this was supposed to be helpful... i try all that i can to distract myself lately... i just want to sleep... nobody ever said life was fair, but nobody ever asked me how i felt about that when forced to suck air...

Current Mood: heh
Friday, October 13th, 2006
10:55 pm
a revelation!!
not quite.

but, long time no see, oh LJ o' mine...

i just thought that if we really wanted to make a serious (public) attempt at alien contact, instead of broadcasting signals with classical music, information about us, and a general message of peace, we should broadcast "fuck you, let's fight!!" and videos of us pwning the shit out of aliens (Hollywood style)...

sincerely,
Yurri Onvshim

p.s.

yes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TviTCFAGr6w

Current Mood: a wee bit bored...
Saturday, May 6th, 2006
2:43 am
grar smash.
escape and distraction... guh...
got pulled over tonight... got frisked... no fun...

been in a fairly contemptuous mood for most of the evening...
i was hoping for some shithead to piss me off in the house tonight so i could release some agnst and anxiety... my situational awareness was peaking...

Current Mood: worried... inconvenienced...
Tuesday, March 14th, 2006
8:22 am
drowning in milk...
today is MY birthday. w00t.

last night was fun... ate some pizza... drank a bit... Vicky got me a swank PA shirt (which i rocked) and she also made me a funny card (but she does not wake too well)... Charles got some Salvia to share (which was an altogether terrifying and exciting experience of altered reality)... dinner with the fam comes later...

i am off to sleep.
details for me.
- Mr. Quick

Current Mood: sleepy...
Friday, March 10th, 2006
4:01 am
flux it all!!
i wish there was a mass convert button...

neener.
- Mr. Quick

Current Mood: eh.
Saturday, December 3rd, 2005
4:23 am
silly Christmas designs above me...
there is an interesting line that exists in me for science fiction films... while a sci-fi movie can be an outright terrible "film", and the practical physics of today seemingly get thrown out for wowing the audience, i get rigid for fancifully inventive technology... and honestly, with the rate at which nanotechnology and biotechnology are flinging open doors, i hope and expect to see some crazy shit in the near future... when i watch a movie like Aeon Flux, i see some things as plausible and some things as not at all, and for the things that are plausible: my mind runs rampant with how they could be accomplished or outdone and even what could be done to counter them...

somebody buy me a high power super magnet for Christmas, please...

a hypothetical metaphor for curious innovation: if you had a child that was male or female and they grew up to be successful after getting money by stripping at some point in their early adulthood, would you still be proud of them?

white lights and black shadows flitter about my eyes...
- Mr. Quick

Current Mood: sniffly...
Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
4:25 pm
my name is Professor Disclaim... and yes, i chose my career for wordplay alone...
i resumed a friendship because i took some steps to permit it... the steps, have not been and certainly will continue to not be without consequence...

my figure drawing class (which i thoroughly enjoy) is somewhat of a let down now... twice now i have been in absense of the aforementioned swan, and i strangely harbor some anger towards my instructor for his words of discourgement that may have inexorably led to this tragedy... i suppose it is just my luck, but i think i will ask Lance if she frequents his room on other days...

hmm... "tragedy"... with this level of gyneoaltry, i think it is better stated as "travesty"...

well, as for my luck:
no new word on my release, but at least i am changing my employment to something more proftible AND enjoyable... thus, i will be joining Chris...

casting out the wicked,
- Mr. Quick

Current Mood: disheartened?
Friday, August 19th, 2005
4:11 pm
let me be free!!
holy crap. Peter just linked me an amazing parkour video... wow... amazed and dumbfounded and motivated am i!!

der.
-Mr. Quick

Current Mood: excited...
Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
7:47 pm
how fickle thou art!!
hah. "art".

i found myself a true distraction...
fair skin and bone and pouty...
admire, i will...
it is fun to see blushing on account of my talents and words...

i think it is time i stopped hiding...
ready to shine?

shine get!!
- Mr. Quick

Current Mood: sweaty.
4:02 am
wow.
a most excellent night in the company of Peter and Chris... we sat in Denny's for a few hours having great conversation of certain sciences and philosophies... truly, two of my favorite people to hold discussion with...

(Steph, sorry that i did not expect you to show up after your message and that our plans for the evening had adjusted...)

Chris and i continued the conversation on our way back to my house and outside for a bit once back... we were treated to some lovely effects in the sky... i saw three shooting stars and a rather strange flash (or sequence of flashes)... the first burning object was orange-to-white and was visible a short distance... the second object was orange-to-white and Chris actually pointed it out to me, and it traveled quite some distance while breaking up and giving a sparkler effect... the third falling star was something elese... it was blue... and it went really far...

this has been a great night...
thank you all.
- Mr. Quick

Current Mood: pleased and curious...
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